


Midday Coffee

by premivmtrash



Series: Don't Let Me Be Lonely [3]
Category: Sand Castle (2017)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Swearing, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 21:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18948739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/premivmtrash/pseuds/premivmtrash
Summary: There was no way Harper would show up. And even if he did, there was no way he wouldn't immediately figure out what a complete mess Matt was. And once he did, there was no way he would stay -- or was there?





	Midday Coffee

Matt tapped his fingers against his almost empty coffee mug. Why was he not here yet? He checked his phone to see if there were any messages, any “Sorry, this was a stupid idea, I’m not coming”-messages, but the only thing he saw was a reminder that he had come way too early and Harper was still perfectly on time. Matt cursed himself again for having arrived so early. Not only had he been sitting all by himself in this busy coffee shop with clearly nothing to do besides waiting for someone who, so far, had not arrived, he had also drank so much coffee that his heart felt like it could be bursting through his ribcage at any second. He checked his phone again. It was now one minute after their agreed meeting time and Matt felt all his doubts creep back in.

Why would Harper agree to a meeting anyway? There was clearly no reason to see him. After all, he had basically abandoned him in the middle of OIF just because he had been so fucked up. And now, he was even more fucked up. Harper was smart, he must had figured out by now that Matt wasn’t worth seeing again, that he --

Matt thoughts were interrupted and proven wrong when the door opened and his old Staff Sergeant stepped inside the coffee shop. For a second, Matt thought his caffeine-strained heart would give up entirely. It didn’t, however, and so when Harper spotted him and walked over to his table, Matt mustered up a smile. There was a short moment, when neither of them knew how to greet each other, before Harper finally settled for pulling him into a rough hug. 

“Hey, Ocre.” Harper’s voice sounded even more familiar in person. The sound was both comforting to Matt and a stinging reminder of how lonely he had been since he had left the army. 

“Hey, uh, hold up, I’ll order coffee.”

Once the barista sat down their coffee mugs in front of them -- not without shooting Matt a slightly worried look, since this was what felt like this millionth coffee, and which Matt hoped Harper didn’t notice -- they both went to take a sip.

“Ah, this is so much better than the stuff the army has,” Harper closed his eyes and smiled lightly. 

“Yeah, definitely. So, you’re still in the army?” 

Part of Matt hoped he’d say no. Maybe he wouldn’t feel so guilty about leaving -- or being left rather.  
Harper sat back in his chair and carted his hand through his short hair, looking down at his coffee.

“Yeah. Still serving. I’m trying to get moved to into training though, after my leave is over. You know, show the new guys how it’s done.” 

Matt pushed the sting in his heart aside. 

“Yeah, I think… yeah, I can picture you in training. I think you’d do a good job there.”

Harper raised his eyebrows and looked at Matt, the half-smile Matt had seen oh so often slowly appearing on his face.

“Huh, thanks, man. So, uh, what are you doing with your life? Fought a war for college money and then decided not to go?” He let out a short chuckle. “I mean, what’s up with that?”

Now, Matt was the one looking down, lightly swirling his coffee mug, before taking another sip. Could he really tell Harper the actual reason? Wouldn’t he just think that Matt had completely lost it? Matt decided to just go for it. If he couldn’t tell Harper, he couldn’t tell anyone.

“Yeah, well, I planned on going, had the applications written and everything, but I just… I couldn’t. You know? It felt so pointless. The whole thing. I mean… what the fuck are we doing here? Drinking coffee as if none of the shit over there ever happened?”

Taking a deep breath, he looked up at Harper, who had slightly raised his eyebrows in a worried expression.  
Regret filled Matt’s heart. Why did he let himself ramble on like that? It was stupid. He was stupid.

“Uh, you know, forget it, it was--” Matt tried to back peddle, but Harper interrupted him.

“No, no, it’s, uh, it’s all right. But you gotta, you know, you gotta learn to let go, man.” Harper leaned forward and for a second, Matt thought, he was going to reach for his hand. And he almost did. Almost.

“Remember what I told you? It wasn’t ours to have. You gotta remember that.”

Feeling Harper’s eyes on him, Matt lowered his gaze and stared at his coffee instead.

“Yeah, I know… I just,” Matt sighed and clutched onto his warm coffee mug. “I just don’t know how do that.”

Silence fell between them. Small waves formed in Matt’s coffee mug as he softly swirled it around. Now he had done it. Now he showed Harper how much of a lost cause he really was. There was no way Harper wouldn’t finally give up on him. There was no way he wouldn’t get up in the next seconds and leave. And Matt would be alone again. Maybe that was just how it was supposed to be, you know, maybe Matt just didn’t deserve anything else.

But Harper didn’t leave. Instead, he closed the last few remaining centimeters between Matt’s hand and his. The warmth of Harper’s skin felt like it spread through Matt, when Harper gently removed Matt’s hand from the coffee mug and took it in his own. Looking at their now intertwined hands, Matt blinked a few times, before he finally looked up again. Harper looked Matt in the eyes, his gaze filled with understanding, empathy -- affection.

“Well, you don’t have to figure out how do it on your own.”


End file.
